What's in the Cup

Yesterday, Pastor reminded us about 'the cup of milk' analogy. When you hold a cup of milk and someone bumps you, milk comes out. Really deep, I know. The deeper meaning behind it is we only think we know what our cups hold. When life bumps you, what comes out? Anger? Depression? Hopelessness? Cursing? Drinking? When life is overwhelming or when things go in the complete opposite direction you were hoping, what comes out of your cup?

Most people believe their cup is full of patience and understanding. And then when harsh words slip out of their mouth, or harsh actions fall from their hands, the response is usually, "Sorry, I'm having a bad day." The harsh words and actions are what reside in the cup. When bad days happen, the thoughts and actions that come out pour straight from the cup.

That sermon reminded me that I still have anger in my cup. When life presses hard, I snap back at it. But the proper response to stress is rarely anger. Thankfully, I serve a loving and compassionate God who can help guide me to what should be in my cup.

"Hide your face from my sins and blot out all my iniquity. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." Psalm 51:9-10

Put Down the Gun

Last night in Wednesday night church class I was trying to describe what trusting God looks like and why trusting Him is a good thing. I gave the example of how when I first tried trusting God it was the spiritual equivalent of staring down the barrel of an armed stranger who was telling me, "I promise I won't shoot you, now put your gun down."

Trusting my father in heaven was a difficult thing for me to want to achieve for many years. So many people had broken my trust to such devastating levels that I didn't dare trust the maker of heaven and earth. If mortal people could cause the kind of damage I suffered, what could an all-powerful being be capable of causing me? The answer was one I did not expect. God provided me with a perpetual feeling of safety. When I wholeheartedly trust Him, even when things don't make sense, I am blessed with a sense of security no person could ever provide.

Yes, trusting God can be scary at times. But as I keep pushing through the trials of my life, He proves Himself worthy of my trust every time.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

For Better or Worse

How many people have stood before a large congregation stating a vow that begins, "For better or for worse," but what they really mean is, "As long as this is still fun"? The fairy tale of happily ever after is sold to people all over the world as the closing scene of a movie. The problem is the movie ends before the real story begins. Real stories include disagreements of which way the toilet paper comes off the rolls, who is going to wash those dishes, when should we starting having kids (what? you want kids?)

My great grandmother told me, "Happily ever after isn't a fairy tale, it's a full time job." And it truly is. Making a marriage great doesn't come naturally. Learning to be happy with someone through every stage of their life doesn't come naturally. The only part that comes naturally is the initial physical attraction, the rest has to be worked at everyday. Everyday I choose to put my husband above all other people in my life. Some people are offended by this, and few have felt slighted or hurt, but it is necessary if our marriage is going to survive the trying times ahead.

In the beginning of a relationship, everyone gives their significant other the best of their energy and attention. Which is why they end up falling in love. Often, after the marriage vows are said, we stop putting that effort into the other person and the result is falling out of love. Ironic how the thing we most need to do to be happy is usually the thing we assume will make us miserable... but remember how much fun dating was when the relationship was new? Believe it or not it can get back to that point again if you're willing to act like that again.

"May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth." Proverbs 5:18

Using Ashes for Soil

A fire raged through my family two weeks ago. The kind of fire where you stand looking at the charred timbers and wonder, "How could something like this happen to people like us?" Good and bad events are not discriminating. Regardless of how you live your life, both good and bad things will happen to you.

In the immediate days after receiving the news of this fire, I marveled as I watched God churn the ashes into the hard ground beneath to cultivate a fertile soil. The smell of smoke was carried away as the days marched on. Seeds were planted in the new soil and a harvest of healing began to grow. People in my life whom I prayed for years to reconcile their differences are now speaking to each other in positive tones. Once violent responses to each other has been replaced with understanding and love. Funny how when people have no choice but to lean on each other for support finally realize: Hey, being in the same room with you isn't as bad as I remembered it used to be.

God knows what He's doing. He allowed this painful fire to rage through the securities of our family because He knew the aftermath it would produce. As I look back on the last two weeks, I never would have guessed a day like that could lead to a day like this... when sunshine is brightening through the dark abandoned hopes of the past.

"I called on your name, O LORD, from the depths of the pit. You heard my plea: 'Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.' You came near when I called you, and you said, 'Do not fear.'" Lamentations 3:55-57

But I Like My Rut

Resisting healthy change is like resisting a healthy diet, I know it will give me everything I want but I don't want to do the work to get it. I want to have more energy, but I don't want to get off my butt. I want to feel healthy, but I don't want to give up all my bad habits.

In real life, there is no sitting on the fence. Refusing to make a choice is making a choice. It's choosing to do the same thing as I've always done. Albert Einstein once said, "If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got." Making the same choices, living the same lifestyle, while expecting things to get better makes as much sense as hitting my head against a brick wall while expecting it to stop hurting 'this time'. And why do we do this to ourselves? Because we have fear. If living like this hurts this much, how much more would it hurt to do something different? But it is exactly that fear that keeps us from experiencing peace. The peace of resolving conflict. The peace of having an unending hope. The peace of finding new joys in the relationships we have with others.

The Bible has many examples of people who dared to ask God to show them their flaws. My own experience with this was quite painful when the list was first shone to me. But, as I have worked at that list, I have received what I think is the most sought-after peace of all: Being able to fall asleep at night without the tape recorder of 'remember this? remember that?' playing over and over again in my head.

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." Psalm 139:23-24

It's Going to Get Easier, Right?

I am close to a yet another set of grandparents now raising their grandchildren. (For some reason this is becoming more and more common) While visiting the newest members to this club, the grandpa pulled his new toddler from a potential disaster and said, "It gets easier as they get older, right?" All I could do was laugh.

God gave me a realization a year ago that carries me through the bizarre ups and downs of my life: Stop waiting for it to get easier. For some reason, I get stuck on trying to find some path in life that, once I'm on it, life will finally get easy. The futile search of 'maybe this' or 'maybe that' is as exhausting as it is disappointing. Instead of praying for a lighter load in life I've learned to pray for a stronger back. Life never gets easier. But if we are willing to learn the lesson each situation brings us, the level of stress we can handle goes up. And as our ability to handle stress increases we become more aware of the joys in everyday life.

My great-grandmother said, "We thank the Lord for dirty dishes because they have a tale to tell. While others tonight will go without, we are doing rather well." I am thankful for dirty dishes because it means that I ate today. I am thankful to pay repairs for my car, because at least I have a car that needs fixing. And I am thankful for the many people in life who challenge me in my patience, because at least I have people in my life.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is streadfast, because he trusts in you." Isaiah 26:3

Peter Pants

Last night my youngest daughter asked if we could watch Peter Pants. When we asked her if she meant 'Peter Pan', she shouted Peter Pants over and over to stress her point that she knew exactly what she was talking about.

This is so true of real life. People will make fools of themselves, declaring their ignorance at full volume, because they believe they know what they are talking about. This same concept has caused countless misunderstandings in my marriage. I will quote my husband back something he said while he smiles at me, trying hard not to laugh, because that was not what he said. (I might add he is just as guilty of the same mistake)

Someone once told me: You were given two ears and one mouth for a reason. When we take the time to double check what we thought we heard, it can spare us the need to take back the words we used to respond.

"Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue," Proverbs 17: 27-28

Little Moments

The best part about having children is the daily reminders of how God cherishes each one of His children. Now don't get me wrong, there was a time in my life when my children were more of a chore to endure than a blessing to graciously receive, but God has a way of breaking through.

This morning my 2-and-a-half year old gave me a rambling explanation of how her dolls were getting along today. My nine-year-old listed off the titles of the entire 'Series of Unfortunate Events' then laughed herself silly at the alliterations. My twelve-year-old (who is 2 weeks away from 13) stopped me in mid stride across the kitchen to have just one more hug.

A series of well-thought-out mistakes several years ago almost deprived me of these daily blessings in my life. Although I knew in my heart of hearts that I was pursuing happiness, God saw straight through to the blind selfishness behind my excuses. He opened my eyes to what I had become. Then He opened my eyes to what I could be if I was willing to live my life His way. And though the road has not been easy, He daily gives me little moments to remind me that He cherishes me even more than I cherish my children... Life is so much easier to live to the fullest when you know you are cherished.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." Isaiah 64:4 (also 1 Corinthians 2:9)

God is Not a Genie

Frequently, I watch people who profess faith in God demonstrate a faith in something else. They pray for a fix, then get frustrated that the problem still exists at the end of the day. They pray for courage, yet stay in the corner. And my personal favorite: pray for happiness while pulling away from all they love.

God is not a genie. It has never been His prerogative to grant people their wish then send them on their merry way. God sees the beginning, middle and end all at once, hence He has a perspective we lack. Everyone agrees that patience is a good thing to have, but how will you learn patience if you never get frustrated? Everyone agrees compassion is a good thing to have, but how will you learn it if you never witness someone suffering? How can you learn to forgive if you are never betrayed?

Strength is not obtained by sitting still and hoping for it. Strength is achieved by pushing past our limit. This is true of both physical and spiritual attributes. Weight lifters pep-talk themselves through a lift. Runners push themselves through a run. Spiritual strength comes by the same process: we do what we should be doing while praying for the strength to do it. Not by sitting in a corner asking a genie to wave his magic wand so we don't have to struggle anymore. How can anyone ever get better at life if they never live it?

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

Take Off the Lid

A friend challenged me last night to 'take off the lid'. I reminded him that since Thursday (a mere 6 days earlier) there had been a rapid-fire succession of family emergencies popping up with scarcely the time to react before another one gets dropped in my lap. In addition, it feels as though I have to be the strong one for many of the people involved. I'm pouring my cup into everyone else's cup and coming up empty. My friend told me, "Your cup is being filled, you just need to take off the lid."

At first I was offended that he saw my faith as so shallow, but I quickly saw he was right. Not taking the time to get on my knees before God puts a lid on my cup just as tightly as not finding at least ten minutes in my day to read my Bible. Throw in the temptation of wishing for a better support team and I had the perfect mix to have a pity party. Granted, everything is out of control right now, but God is still in control and a woman of faith finds strenth in the promises of God.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

First Things First

I think one of the hardest things for me to keep straight is my own home. Helping others is a passion of mine, but it can come at the cost of my own family. Learning to keep the balance of putting first things first is a daily struggle. Today I think I did an ok job at it. While looking around my house at the work that needed to get done I received a text to help a friend to her work to pick-up her paycheck. The helper in me wants to say, "I'll be right there!" But, taking a second view around my home is proof that my efforts to help others this week has had a negative impact on my chores. Saying "I can't today" wasn't easy, but it was necessary.
In order to have the time and energy to pour into others, I must first pour into myself.
"A prudent man sees danger and takes refuges, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." Proverbs 22:3